Jaci-Lee Miller (amandassjacuzzi)
April 5, 2014
1 1/2 tabs of LSD
Watching the Sun rise is one of the most humbling things that can be done. Every second is mesmerizing leaving you to wonder what will be lit up next. It’s so interesting how the Sun rises. I have actually never watched it so faithfully as I did today and I have gained an abundance of perspective. It seems to creep up over the horizon and its very hard to tell where the actual Sun is coming from. If there are clouds in the sky as there are today, the Sun slowly paints them into light and characterizes them more deeply paying very close attention to every curve and bend. After, the clouds begin to descend to the way of the winds and carry each strand of color the Sun has marked them with. It all unfolds so perfectly, so timely. All the birds are chirping by now screaming for the world to “wake up!!” and look at the beautiful day being displayed before our eyes!! They go through this process daily, but still wake up with the same delight and happiness and hope and reassurance that today of all days is going to be great! The Sun is still not done, it eventually creeps over the clouds and finds a hole to peek through and scatters it’s glistening dusts all over the tops of the highest trees and allows them to be the particular color they are. Each tree is so different when lit with the simple light of the morning. The Sun continues to spur light everywhere onto buildings and skin. Everything is so innocent, so clean, pure. The Sun has lit my cold skin, my cold fingers, and defined each wrinkle and crease. The tone is so porcelain and pure. My brown freckles hinting here and there. I love my tones. Pink, white, pale, cream, dark brown, blue. The morning is so beautiful. It’s peaceful and serene. It’s calming and isn’t rushed. It invites me. It invites us! The Sun is inviting us to start the day and enjoy it. People are so cute in the morning. The people running for exercise, some of them upset because running is making their bodies hurt only to be reassured by a friend or the goal to keep going. The people in cars, some rushing so quickly only to be forcefully calmed by traffic ahead. The birds know these tricks. They know the way. They choose to soar against the sky and float on the air, simply gliding into the start. It’s so simple! So simple. The Sun wakes up the world in one simple breath. It’s a very deep breath, but it’s just one. As the world acclimates itself it exhales, then repeats until everything is ALIVE! Can’t you see how simple it is!? I think we can apply this smooth demonstration into each day, each second of our lives. We over complicate things of dis-importance. Things that do not matter. Why waste that time over complicating when it could be spent gently perfecting things that matter, like the Sun does when it rises.
It’s so cute and humorous the mornings humans have endured. They have built them up to be the time of pain, waking up early, to rush, late to an importantly scheduled day. The Sun doesn’t pain when it gently lights the clouds. The Sun doesn’t rush. It takes its beautiful and worthwhile time to illuminate the world for us to walk around and live in.
I know where I am. I have become too lazy to hold the pen so tightly but I must continue writing all these thoughts. I know here I am and I know my purpose. I want to be like the Sun and not pain when performing the tasks life hands me. I will not pain when people become too harsh and jagged edged and lash out. They are only being mistaken by the situation. I will not rush when I am to make crucial choices. Choices that affect a long part of my life, I will not allow myself to stutter in cowardliness. I am bold. I have the right to voice myself against things that are potentially threatening. I want to be like the birds. Screaming in joy at the rest of the world to look at the beauty the Sun has shown us. I want to soar on the current of the wind, but be able to hold myself back if I have to stop in the tracks of someone threatening my ways to then be bold and stand up for me. This is very hard to write. I am very tired. I have not slept since 11AM yesterday and it is 9:18AM. I wish I could write down more but I simply can’t. I am tired.
Be like the Sun and the birds.
The average person was a 1 in 18,000 chance of being murdered.
If the person is trans, that chance turns into 1 in 12 chance of being murdered.
Think about that for a moment.
How disgusting is it, how disappointing is it,
how monstrous is it that being a trans person makes you more than 1000 times more likely to be killed
Seriously I can’t even string together enough words to represent how utterly abominable that is
1 in 8 for the brown girls